im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
