i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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