dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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