yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
