i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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