my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
