There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
