I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
