how can u be prego again
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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