I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
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