my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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