you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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