mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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