Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
