One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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