He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
