just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
