You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
