Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize