is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
