she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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