Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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