I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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