I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Randomize
