If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
