Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
