He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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