I think I can smell my own vagina right now
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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