We're like a lot better than the average bears
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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