When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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