ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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