Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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