she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
