Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
