His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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