I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
