Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
