I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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