this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
