I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
