woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
