Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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