Need sex. Gaining weight.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Come on in and take your pants off
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