There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
