I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize