the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize