the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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