Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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