sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I forget how to act sober
Randomize