Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
