Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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