one might say we're banned from that church
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize