bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
