Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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