good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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