Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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