Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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