I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
