Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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