is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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