ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
