So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
