so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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