So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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