hell yes lets make some ravioli
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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