i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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