I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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