after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
