My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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