i just had sex bonerless
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He has the fingertips of a God
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