Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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