this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
