Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
someone threw a dead crab at me
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize