Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
