So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
