She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
