his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
