why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
