So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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