i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
