Say something about gay babies.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
