I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
