he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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