I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
