At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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