Already got asked if we're dating
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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