Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
