you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
