i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Boobs speak an international language.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
