I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
