Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
