just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
