it was like eating out sand paper
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
