john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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