come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
