Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
