how can u be prego again
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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