Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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