If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
