I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Girls should come with a carfax report
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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