i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
