If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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