Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize