I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
