I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize